How to Support a Loved One Through a Psychedelic Experience

Key Takeaways

• Effective Communication and Autonomy: Establish open, respectful dialogues about psychedelics with your loved one, ensuring each person can express their opinions, concerns, and expectations while respecting autonomy and personal choices.
• Self-Education and Emotional Awareness: Educate yourself on psychedelic therapy stages to effectively support your loved one without relying on them for explanations, and be mindful of the “mirror effect” where their emotional journey might influence your own feelings and reactions.
• Practical Support and Non-Judgmental Presence: Assist with practical tasks to reduce their stress on ceremony day and offer a compassionate, non-judgmental presence post-experience, allowing them to integrate and make their own decisions while offering gentle, supportive reminders.
• Psychedelic Passage: Your Psychedelic Concierge — The easy, legal way to find trustworthy psilocybin guides, facilitators and psychedelic-assisted therapy near you in the United States.

Question From The Community

Any suggestions on presenting this adventure to a spouse that may not be so open-minded about psychedelics?

The first place to start should be taking an inventory of your own beliefs and goals for psychedelic medicine. What’s your intent? What do you hope to gain? How do you want to go about it?

It seems that this individual and their spouse have differing opinions on psychedelic use, so structuring a healthy, transparent and safe communication container in order to discuss psychedelics together is the best way to have a fruitful conversation around it. 

Are you able to mutually express your perspectives on psychedelics without it turning into a persuasive argument? If it’s difficult for you and your spouse to have a friendly dialogue, maybe this is an opportunity to explore that further and grow together in doing so.

How did you come to the conclusion that a psychedelic experience was for you? Sharing your thought process and the scientific data that may have influenced your decision are some ways to open up a dialogue with your spouse.

It’s important to hear them out too. If they aren’t very open-minded towards psychedelics, what is their thought process that led them to that opinion? Maybe they had a difficult experience in the past. You never know until you ask in a genuine way. 

“I would invite you to have almost like a two-way dialogue where each of you may be able to express your thoughts, your concerns, your wishes, and your expectations.”

A conversation like this one will build a solid foundation on which to build upon and explore. We know, we know, it’s easier said than done. It takes a mature couple to successfully discuss an emotionally charged topic that they have differing views on.

It can help to know what kind of communication style you have, which may be different from your spouse’s. Researcher and author Mark Murphy has discerned four different communication styles that people often exhibit.

Knowing your own communication style as well as your spouses can be extremely helpful in conversations where you fail to see eye to eye. 

Some people may feel that they need approval or permission from their loved one, but let us remind you that you have a right to honor your own sovereignty and do what’s right for you.

It’s also important to highlight the difference between having a psychedelic experience and keeping it from your loved one, versus having a healthy enough relationship to be able to explore psychedelic medicine even if your spouse doesn’t share the same regard for them as you.

Hiding your psychedelic experiences from your spouse is the last thing we recommend. Instead, practice articulating your thought process and intentions so that you can share them with your spouse, inviting an open forum to freely discuss each other’s ideas. 

The most important part about psychedelic healing is having a community, especially in preparation and integration. It might not seem like a big deal, but being acknowledged and witnessed in the process can have profound effects on the healing potential of psychedelics. 

Setting The Stage & Clarifying Your Role

It might feel counterintuitive but the first step to supporting your loved one is getting to know yourself. Do a quick mental inventory of your bandwidth, availability, and desired level of involvement. 

Sometimes our desire to help doesn’t always match our availability. Sometimes your loved one’s need for support is greater than what your emotional bandwidth allows for.

The best way to avoid misaligned expectations and unnecessary friction is to have direct and clear conversations around needs and availability. Ask what kind of support they need from you, maybe it’s a conversation here and there, maybe it’s more all encompassing. 

If you feel like they need more support than you can offer, or begin to get overwhelmed with your role, that’s okay. Use your line of open communication to discuss adjusting your role to better fit your bandwidth in a loving way.

The Mirror Effect

One phenomenon to be aware of when supporting a loved one is what we like to call the “mirror effect.” This is when all the emotional content that gets brought up along the psychedelic healing journey starts amplifying those same emotions within ourselves. 

If a loved one is experiencing a lot of fear or anxiety leading up to a psychedelic experience, it’s possible that you may see heightened fear and anxiety in your own life. 

The interconnectedness exhibited is something to be mindful about, but it’s this layered and nuanced connection that makes direct support all the more important. 

It’s not only emotions that are contagious, oftentimes seeing your loved one explore the innermost parts of themselves can spark some curiosity within yourself. It can lead you to question your own beliefs and ways you operate.

By taking an internal inventory of yourself, you’ll be better prepared for emotional responses that might arise when exploring your loved ones content with them.

In sharing your thoughts and concerns, you might find that your loved one has a helpful way of working through them, especially if they’ve been working with a facilitator and learning about the world of psychedelic healing.

Check Your Expectations

“One of my really great childhood friends, he said, the mantra that I live my life is ‘never straight, always forward,’ which means that you may be forwardly progressing in life, but it might not be a direct line from point A to point B. So having that level of flexibility to invite in that spontaneity of need in the moment is super helpful.”

It’s easy to get sucked into someone else’s journey, especially when they begin healing from trauma or start experiencing major shifts in their beliefs, common elements that can arise from psychedelic experiences.

First, it’s important to remember that it’s their healing journey and that you can offer support without imposing your own beliefs or expectations. 

Part of checking your expectations is resisting the urge to problem solve, analyze or interpret. In some cases it may be helpful, but remember the greatest healer we have is ourselves. 

It also means if you think one macrodose mushroom experience will cure depression, you’re bringing unfair expectations into your loved ones personal healing journey. 

Similarly, you might begin to see your loved one achieving the healing they’ve been seeking, but what if that makes you nervous? What if you fear they won’t need you anymore, or that your relationship will change if they go through this and you don’t.

It’s natural for these fears to creep in, as it hits on the deepest cord of human insecurities surrounding those closest to us.

Whatever the case, be truthful with yourself so that you can approach your role as a supporter in the most loving, respectful, and productive way. Don’t allow fears to prevent you from using this as an opportunity to really show up for the people that you care about. 

Use it as an opportunity to practice acceptance and openness. All you can do when these fears bubble to the surface is to continue to exercise open communication.

How to Offer Support Without Imposing

Offering support to a loved one is a commendable decision and a unique opportunity to be their trusted confidant in one of the most important and personal aspects of their life. 

The best supportive care you can offer is to validate, normalize, and speak without bias or judgement.

Asking questions can be a helpful way to offer support if done well. Avoid asking questions like “how did it go?” especially directly after the experience.

It takes time to digest everything that encompasses a “psychedelic experience” and will likely take some integration to be able to put the experience into words in a way that it makes sense to them.

It also puts pressure on them to align the experience to your expectations or to give the experience a label when it’s so much more complicated than that.

Instead, think about ways to ask questions in a direct and neutral way without coming across as disinterested or vague.

“There’s this balance of needing to be really clear in how you communicate while holding this level of neutrality, but sometimes trying to hold that level of neutrality, meaning you’re not bringing your own judgment or bias into the equation, can make you come off very vague. For example, listen to the difference between these two questions. I might ask, ‘is there anything I can do to support you?’

Seems like a pretty well-intentioned question, but I propose that a stronger way of saying that a little bit more clearly is, ‘What is it that you need right now?’ Asking these types of questions in a firmer way can help to keep your loved one from having to interpret or analyze the question too much.”

After the journeyer has opened up to you about the events that unfolded throughout their psychedelic experience, and after they’ve dissected its meaning and communicated it to you, you can continue supporting their intentions by offering gentle, friendly, and empowering reminders.

For example, if you see your loved one engaging in an activity that they’ve previously expressed discontent with, you can remind them to take a personal inventory of their behaviors, perspectives, and intentions.

Or, if for example, your loved one says something in a conversation (i.e. X not Y)– something which you know isn’t aligned with their highest Truth, offer a simple thought-provoking idea like, “It’s interesting you say that. I tend to think that X and Y can both coexist in harmony because [blank]. What’re your thoughts?”

Don’t be pushy, don’t make them feel guilty, simply offer gentle reminders– which can be best done if you lead by example. Help your loved one remain accountable over their healing journey by surrounding them with a peer (you) that is also practicing self reflection and authenticity.

Educate Yourself on Psychedelic Therapy

If you’ve decided to play an active role in your loved one’s psychedelic healing journey, then it’s vital that you educate yourself on the psychedelic therapy process. Don’t rely on your loved one to educate you on everything you need to know about this type of experience. 

Give them the space to focus on their own healing process by leading your own research on the topic. Learn about the stages of psychedelic therapy – the preparation stage, ceremony day, and the integration stage.

Showing interest in learning about the process can also inadvertently increase the level of camaraderie between you, the same way sharing the same hobby can strengthen the bond between you.

Learn about how psychedelics act in the body, understand the phases of healing after a psychedelic experience. Luckily you’ve arrived at the Internet’s most informative hub for therapeutic psychedelic experiences. 

If your loved one is comfortable with it, it can be a good idea to request a chat with their psychedelic facilitator. This can be a very useful and direct way to better understand how you can support your loved one through their specific intentions for healing.

Accepting the role as a supporter might seem daunting, but what it boils down to is being truly present with your loved one. A compassionate, non-judgemental presence is the best thing you can be for your loved one.

Supporting a Loved One on The Ceremony Day

Ceremony day is the day that your loved one takes their chosen psychedelic substance under the guidance and in the presence of their facilitator. 

It can be very nerve-wracking as all the emotional content they’ve dug up during preparation is going to come to a head, mixed with the mysterious feeling of entering the unknown.

Have a Good Day!

The best way to ensure you are offering an optimal level of support is to, again, take care of yourself. We might sound like a broken record here, but it’s true. 

Putting yourself in a positive mindset by practicing self care, practicing mindfulness, or just doing something you enjoy on the day of their experience will give your loved one the best chance at a fruitful psychedelic experience. 

You don’t have to be present for someone’s psychedelic experience in order for them to feel the energy that you’re holding toward them and their journey. 

People who take psychedelic drugs experience a large increase in their sensitivity to other people’s energy, even in the energy of the earth and of nature. 

If a journeyer is under the impression that you’re doubtful or pessimistic about their therapeutic outcome, or if they feel you’re anxious for them, your internal narratives will bleed onto their communion with the psychedelic medicine. 

This can darken the tone of their experience, reduce their confidence, and make it more likely that they’ll attempt to control the natural trajectory of the journey. And attempts to control will only increase the chances of them having a “bad trip”, or a challenging experience.

Lessen Their Workload

And another great way to support your loved one on the day of their journey is by helping them complete practical tasks that reduce their workload and responsibilities. This can also be very helpful throughout your loved one’s integration process.

If they have a pet, for example, they would likely feel much more open to their psychedelic experience if they knew that their dog was in someone’s caring company. It’ll help them feel more secure to know that their pet is being taken on a walk or played with.

Preparing a meal for them or ordering food to their home, after their psychedelic therapy session has concluded can lessen their stress and free up their mind, which will likely be going over everything that they experienced earlier that day.

If you do this though, we suggest that you ask the journeyer what they want to eat. Some foods may not sound so appealing to a journeyer after having such a consciousness-altering experience. 

Ask them about meal preferences beforehand, after the psychedelic therapy session has concluded, or on the drive home if you’ve been assigned as their designated driver.

However, immediately after a psychedelic experience, many people don’t feel like expending too much mental energy on minor decisions. 

So support your journeyer by meeting them where they are and by using their behavioral cues to decide what would be the most comforting to them.

Allow them to transition back into day to day life at their own pace. If it’s been a while since the journeyer talked to you about their experience, give them a gentle reminder that you’re there for them, and a reminder to practice self-care. 

If the journeyer requested that their facilitator send you text message updates throughout the ceremony, appreciate the information, but don’t anxiously wait by the phone assuming an energy of alarm and distress. Assume that all is going right, unless there is reason to assume otherwise.

Let The Journeyer Sail Their Own Ship

Whatever the outcome of your loved one’s psychedelic experience, it’s important that you give the journeyer room to make autonomous decisions about their own life. Everyone moves at a different pace, and only the journeyer can truly understand what’s best for them.

After a psychedelic ceremony, journeyers may make decisions about their romantic or friendly relationships which you might not understand. 

If it’s fitting, you can ask the journeyer to expand on the reasons that motivated these decisions. However, it’s important not to sound demanding or doubtful about their choices unless there is a strong and unbiased reason to do so. 

If you’re questioning whether or not it’s intrusive to get involved in your loved one’s decision-making process, ask yourself where your intentions are. Do you want to be involved due to personal beliefs and bias, or because of a clearly worrisome concern?

If the journeyer is open to it, you can even reach out to their facilitator and express your concerns. Ask them if they’d be willing to share their perspective on the journeyer’s decisions.

The phases of a psychedelic healing process are different for everyone, so it’s important that we feel empathy and understanding for the heavy emotions involved in any person’s psychedelic integration process.

Set aside your own personal beliefs, and if you’re finding it really difficult to do that, locate the source of those beliefs in order to analyze the intentions behind them and in order to inform the type of support that you can offer.

Dive Into The World Of Intentional Psychedelic Use

There’s “taking a drug”, and then there’s setting intentions, ingesting the medicine, and then enacting changes in your life that better align with your beliefs as you come into your whole self. 

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You have a great program here for people like me who are trying to explore the use of this medicine for healing and not in a recreational format. I’ve committed to using this medicine microdosing for a while to see if it helps. So far, it seems to be incrementally effective.” — Psychedelic Passage Client

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Frequently Asked Questions

1.How can I approach a conversation about psychedelics with a skeptical spouse?

Begin by reflecting on your own beliefs and intentions regarding psychedelics. Have a transparent and non-confrontational conversation where both of you can openly express your thoughts, concerns, and experiences. 

Share the scientific reasoning and personal motivations behind your interest while inviting them to share their perspective as well. The goal is to foster mutual understanding and respect.

2. What is the “mirror effect” and how can it impact my role as a supporter?

The “mirror effect” refers to the phenomenon where the emotions experienced by a loved one during their psychedelic journey can amplify similar emotions within the supporter. 

Being aware of this interconnectedness helps you manage your emotional response and maintain effective support without projecting your fears or anxieties onto the journeyer.

3. How should I manage my expectations when supporting someone through a psychedelic experience?

Recognize that each individual’s healing journey is unique and may not align with your preconceived expectations. Resist the urge to problem-solve or impose your beliefs.

Instead, support your loved one by providing a safe, open space for their process, and remember that healing isn’t always linear and can take unexpected turns.

4. What are some practical ways to support a loved one on their ceremony day?

Ensure your own mindset is positive and supportive, as energy sensitivity increases during psychedelic experiences. 

Offer practical support by minimizing their daily responsibilities, such as caring for pets or preparing meals, which allows them to focus solely on the experience. Respect their need for emotional and physical comfort before, during, and after the ceremony.

5. How can I support autonomy while offering guidance post-ceremony?

Encourage your loved one to make autonomous decisions about their life post-ceremony. While you can offer insights if appropriate, avoid imposing judgments or expectations. 

Respect their pacing in processing the experience, and remain empathetic and understanding of the complex emotions involved in their integration journey. If concerns arise, consider discussing them with the journeyer or their facilitator in a supportive manner.

References

Cumbo, C. (2017, October 12). The Four Communication Styles: How to Understand Yourself and Your Audience. Pearce Center for Professional Communication. https://pearce.caah.clemson.edu/the-four-communication-styles-how-to-understand-yourself-and-your-audience/

Launay, J., Tarr, B., & Dunbar, R. I. M. (2016). Synchrony as an Adaptive Mechanism for Large-Scale Human Social Bonding. Ethology, 122(10), 779–789. https://doi.org/10.1111/eth.12528